I feel like those who want to take T “just for a year” so they can keep looking andro/have a deeper voice/get some muscles are really misled by the ftm community. And I say this because maybe we are partially at fault for giving ourselves so much physical visibility, by putting our transitions on display. A few years ago when I was first coming into my identity and panicking over the fact that I finally knew what was up with me and that there was a solution, a way to be happier, I scavenged the internet for more info. And that’s how I got led to YouTube accounts that document the transition of guys whom are now all living stealth and nowhere to be contacted.
These were all guys who transitioned into beautiful looking men with 6 packs, but that doesn’t mean you will transition into one too. You might get dealt the cards of pimply faced teenage boy who puts on more fat than muscle, because what these people don’t tell you is that they live at the gym. What these people don’t talk about is why they live at the gym - because dysphoria gets so crippling that sometimes we can’t “learn to love our bodies”, so we’d rather burn every single calorie and turn the rest into muscle in order to help testosterone redistribute hip fat.
What no one talks about is everything that happens ASIDE from your physical transition. Have you thought about what it will be like to get a job, or hold your current one once you start testosterone? How you will come out to parents, family members, friends, bosses, teachers, classmates, etc? Because it isn’t easy. And depending on where you live you might have to do so over and over again. Have you thought about how expensive the name change process is? How much of a pain in the ass it is to show up at a bar with an old ID and have them question or deny you entry because you’re over a year on T and still haven’t changed your documents? Do you know how TIME CONSUMING that process is, especially if you work full time? Try working full time and dealing with government bureaucracy. It isn’t fun.
Do you know that your internal make up changes once on T? Some people say it’s for the better, but if you like having that “female intuition”, than this isn’t for you. I find myself baffled by women more and more each day because my brain is now being wired differently when it comes to processing emotions. I can’t understand how my roommate can get so frustrated with other people, or cry because it seems so foreign to me. This doesn’t mean I’m not sympathetic or empathetic towards her, I just literally have no idea where those feelings and frustrations come from and I don’t know how to relate on that level anymore. This isn’t a universal experience for everyone, but it’s possible that it will happen to you.
Being trans and taking steps to make yourself more comfortable in your own body, like hormones and surgeries, isn’t a walk in the park. It’s a life altering, life saving, mind fuck of a process that puts you at risk every time you walk in for a job interview, or to get a simple check up at a clinic or doctors office. And I know, I know, the problem isn’t us it’s with a transphobic society, but the truth is that we live in a transphobic society so unless you are prepared to deal with all the physical, social, mental, familial, and emotional bullshit life is about to hand you once you take that first shot of T than I’d suggest you think twice.
Stop using testosterone as a beauty product. We don’t even know how it’s going to affect our bodies 40 years from now because not enough research is being done. We are all walking science experiments. Unless this is a life threatening situation, do not take testosterone. It should be a last minute resort. And if you think society is hard on trans people, try those who de-transition. There is almost little to no support for those who decide this wasn’t their path after all.
THINK. Do your research. You can’t be a 19 year old androgynous kid forever.
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